Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria-Exhibit A in my case

Its estimated that Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria impacts 99% of those with ADHD.   So I have always been seen as over emotional,  in school, at home and in work and definitely in my relationships.  I always just figured its who I was and it was the way I was wired but in the last few years its impacted me more and more.  And as I went on this path of discovery to see who I really was that's when I learnt about RSD.  

So those times when a manager asked for a quick chat in the morning, and I couldn't sleep and physically felt overwhelmed and ill, the times when I get meeting invites with no context and its all I can think of.  Or the worst which is a change of plan at home with my wife and I get so jealous inside my own head it hurts, but then I am in a grump for the next 24 hours and she has to bear the brunt of it.  I had been putting off getting diagnosed for a long time, always saying i hadn't the money, even when I did.  But literally one night after a major RSD episode I decided the next morning I would get my ass in gear and get tested.  

RSD can manifest in a couple of ways-struggling with regulating emotions, shame, withdrawal or outbursts after feedback, or just avoiding situations were you may be judged, these are just a few.  I have felt all of the above but now I am trying to understand the impact on those around me especially my wife.  

 In work I always made sure my work was done to A1 quality but never put my hand up for extra work- I didn't want to have some stuff not get to that level and then be perceived as being below par, but this was seen as me never volunteering for work.   

At home my wife has stuck with me through 20 years, she has seen me at my best and at my worst and I did offer an out when I got diagnosed, she hadn't signed up to have a daughter with Autism and a Husband who had ADHD and was now trying to figure himself out.  She has enough on her plate and she is the glue that hold the family together.  

If you think you may have RSD- attack it head on and don't dwell on it like I did because your then on the back foot. Its the main thing i continue to struggle with but my wife now calls me out on my shit, which is 100% the way to do it and it makes me think .  Hope this helps 1 person out there